Technical Difficulties
The months leading up to my brother's kidney transplant were the most anxiety filled yet hopeful months of my life.
To start the chaotic cluster, my dad started his medical evaluations to be my brother's kidney donor in July. He was so anxious. It killed me to watch him lose his car keys every other day and to wake up to him roaming around at 5AM from another sleepless night. He loved my brother so much during that period. He always loved him, but his suffering from watching my brother's kidney function drop to 17% had never been more apparent. He knew he would be the one giving up an organ to save my brother's life. There was one point where my mom had asked me to give up mine. To face the reality that I may have to sacrifice a part of my body to save a person I love was terrifying, but it was something I would need to face sooner or later. I was lucky not to be given Alport Syndrome. I realize now that sharing the gift of healthy kidneys is an honor.
In August, I started my junior year of high school. My brother's renal function dropped to 16%. I was trying my hardest to stay focused on school and standardized testing, but I could not separate myself from my own truth. I scored a 1460 on the SAT and was disappointed with myself. Did I feel good enough? No. I immediately scheduled myself to take another test in October. My world felt like it was falling apart.
September brought a wave of indifference but also pumpkin foam. My brother's renal function remained constant, but it didn't keep away discussions of preparing my brother for dialysis with an AV fistula. My grandpa and I remained the only optimistic people in my family. My brother was nearing dialysis. My mom was balancing her work with her family. My dad was preparing to donate his kidney. My grandma became weary. My grandpa and I went to Starbucks. A chai latte with pumpkin foam repairs most things. I sipped a pumpkin chai while I thought about what I needed to do next. Then, my house was inspected for mold. My brother would not be able to live in a house with mold after his transplant because he would be on immunosuppressants. Of course, my house was found to have mold in it. My family was forced to move out of our house until the mold was eliminated. I went to go live with my grandparents who didn't have wifi, working air condition, or a working washing machine. I would live with them until November which would prove to exhaust my never give up attitude.
The first half of October brought disappointment. My brother's renal function dropped to 15% and my brother was put on the transplant list. My new SAT score was the exact same, 1460. I felt hopeless, not because it was a bad score, but because it didn't match what I believed I was capable of. Studying for the PSAT throughout the entire summer and till now, it was time for me to be tested. I woke up and immediately knew I was suffering the consequences of overextending myself between the SAT, PSAT, 5 AP classes I was taking, and my family's struggle. I took the PSAT despite my new found illness and fell over with a 1o4 degree fever at 7PM.
For the rest of October I spent weeks in and out of bed with a 103 degree fever that wouldn't go away. I can‘t say how many Advil or Tylenol pills I took to get the fever down . Despite my physical limitations I kept doing my best on school work and forced my self to go to school after my doctor said whatever I was experiencing wasn't contagious. I felt embarrassed just to be at school. Every time I coughed, someone asked me if I was ok. I thank those people, but I wished that my illness would just go away. It took weeks for doctors to tell me I had a bad sinus infection. It went from me having nothing, to me probably having the flu, to me having a sinus infection. It wouldn't be until November that I would stop coughing and feeling weak. Until then, I couldn't see my brother for fear I would put him at risk of pre-transplant complications. It would be two more weeks stranded in the upstairs room of my grandparents house. I felt like a tree isolated in a vast desert.
November brought positivity even though my brother's renal function dropped to 12%. He was approved to have his transplant on November 29 and I started to feel better after taking a z-pack and some prednisone. My cough would last until after Thanksgiving break, but feeling better was all that mattered to me. I learned the importance of prioritizing my health and the health of my family above frivolous accomplishments that didn't define me. I became a more grateful person and felt fresh. It was nearing time for my brother's transplant, and I felt ready.
